i have realized that i do not actually have any sort of writer's identity anymore.
i've got - well, i'd have to stop and count them to know how many pieces i've got brewing, and perhaps i'll do that - but i've got a bunch, and they are all over the map.
the LA story (that does not, for the record, reference the location) was fully outlined, in gratuitous detail, sometimes even including entire scenes and conversations, spanning a good thirty pages or so (minus the ending, cuz i was never quite able to see which one of the two options was coming, but i had both options roughly outlined). i have since (over a span of ten years) renamed the characters and omitted a major event in the middle which then changed one character entirely and thus the interaction of the group, which then cast the story in a different light. i have had a bizarre alternate universe ending that i was never planning on using but just couldn't resist exploring. recently, i rewrote the entire outline, condensing it to actual plot points and altering the crucial event that sets the plot in motion, and relocated the main character. the point is, this story is about as spontaneous as your average open-heart surgery. not in any sort of bad way, i feel.
still not finished, of course. hell, i've never reached the point of the major event that i omitted.
the characters were entirely based on image (except, oddly, the main character, about whom i've almost no idea what she looks like, other than long hair as it's referenced at one mildly important point, and i've changed the color twice). they grew personalities fairly quickly, but they started out with none. okay, one of them did. but he's been in my head, in one form or another, for years and years and years. before i started the story, certainly.
the plot was hatched fully formed, essentially (except for that pesky resolution bit). i have only been toying with how it unfolds and how to get there. i have to fill in time, show the relationships between the characters that lead to things going the way they do, all that. but i know exactly what they're there to do.
the reset story (which is the only thing i've ever given any sort of name to, even tho' calling it reset is mostly a reference point for me) came, like so many of these things, from a dream i had, but it's the only one of them i've really ever gotten started on. the others are sitting there, brewing. at least, i hope they are, cuz someday i will turn to them and they better be ready. but i digress.
i started off with very little idea of what the characters look like, except for one (who was vitally important), and have really only figured out what four of the seven look like. this does not include the viewpoint character. she hasn't wanted to tell me who she is, what she looks like, or what her story is. i think one of us is afraid that she might be me, and we both want to avoid that.
there is. no. effing. plot.
the story starts with a big event, and dumps the characters off in the aftermath of said event. their job is just to carry on. certain characters have things they must eventually do (this only refers to three, possibly four of them - the others, well, i don't know what their destiny is, but they had to be there cuz ... i don't know why. excuse me, brain, can you clarify?) i not only don't have an ending, i don't have a middle. i've made an (inconsistant) attempt to muddle thru the set-up portion of my little tale, to get to the 'good stuff', but i'm really quite afraid to get to said good stuff as i don't really know what it IS.
so in one story, i have characters and a plot and subplots and subcontext and emotions oozing all over the place, and in the other i have barely-formed characters who are still waiting for me to tell them what to do (so they can, of course, hijack the plot and do what they please with it, if what's going on in the 'build-up' is any indication of how these brats intend to behave - simple conversation doesn't even follow the planned path with these buggers). in other words, i'm plotting one and winging the other.
i would never, never have considered winging anything before, and i'm not enjoying how it's going. i don't wing. i create characters that i can see in my head and they do things that i have specifically set out for them to do. i really, really must stop and sit down and figure out what these rather shakily-drawn people are going to end up *doing*. they can't TALK forever!
since this is the most recently-begun of my library of half-formed pieces, i'm worried this might be some sort of omen for how things are going to go in the future. am i going to be cursed with random beginnings and no idea of where to go? cuz you people who do this regularly, you're impressive and all, but i don't want any part of your world. i need plots to work around. if not a full plot, then at least the beginnings of one.
i am rather tired from thinking about all of this. i'm going to bed, and maybe while laying there i'll figure out what the hell is going on inside my binder.