saw a nice apartment today, and the superintendant basically offered it to me on the spot - and it finally dawned on me that i don't have the money to provide first month's rent to secure a place. so i have to call him in the morning and tell him that i'm an idiot and i can't take the place. i'll make something up about car repairs or something - i'm not going to admit that i'm A) that stupid or B) that far in the hole. i've been so worried this whole time about skirting around the issue of tenancy references (because our property manager is a bitch) and credit checks (because of my student loans) that while viewing all of those apartments i couldn't get, i ignored the part where they were telling me about giving a cheque with my application because i knew there would be no application.
i'm supposed to go tomorrow and actually see the bachelor apartment in the nice building from monday. i don't know if i'll bother. i can't afford it.
i fucking hate her for doing this to me. it would have been nice to say, i think i might move out at the end of the lease/year sometime before the night before the renewal agreement had to go back. it would have been a mark of minor consideration, considering i'm not fucking psychic. so i've been left with two months to take care of all this. she had a place to live picked out before she even told me what she was doing. must be nice. not that i wasn't trying to get a new job before this, and not that i didn't have my suspicions, but a little honesty and a little consideration for those of us who don't make fourteen dollars an hour plus a grand each month in commission for selling bath salts to rich bitches might have been nice - perhaps even expected from someone who was supposed to be my friend, especially a friend who likes to tell everyone how self-sacrificing and generous to a fault she us.
yes, i'm angry and frustrated and i'm lashing out. deal with it.